New Year’s Resolutions, Bucket Lists, and Other Ways to Live Your Best Life

by Dr. Len Kayes, guest writer in MAINE SENIORS Magazine. 

The 2007 film The Bucket List portrays two terminally ill men, Edward Cole and Carter Chambers (played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, respectively) who escape from a cancer ward and head off on a road trip with a wish list of “to-dos” before they die. Included in their list was skydiving, driving a race car, flying over the North Pole, riding motorcycles on the Great Wall of China, and going on a lion safari in Africa. This touching comedy/drama reminds us that there is much that can be accomplished in life regardless of our age or health status and striving to have new experiences before we die can be exceedingly satisfying and meaningful.

Call it what you like — a set of New Year’s resolutions, a bucket list of hopes and dreams, or a life list of goals and objectives — reaching out for new experiences can represent an exciting road map for achieving your best life. And, let there be no doubt about it – it is never too late to develop and enact such a plan. The arrival of 2012 represents a great time to plan your future, whatever your age.

Marelisa Fabrega, the author of How to Live Your Best Life, tells us that a life list is simply a set of goals which cover all the different areas of your life. Taken seriously, it can represent a powerful tool for making sure that you decide what you want to do and have in life, and who you want to be, and that you take the necessary action to accomplish these things.

Remember that bucket lists are not just for those in the latter stages of life. While bucket lists are meant to contain accomplishments that you want to achieve before you “kick the bucket”, you can build your list as early in your life as you choose. Everyone, regardless of age, deserves to have aspirations, hopes, and dreams yet to be realized but consistently sought after. Walt Disney put it well when he said “all our dreams can come true—if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Prudence Searl, 63, of Bangor has a bucket list – she wants to tour the western United States and see the Grand Canyon. She also wants to go to Florida one day and drive down one side of the state and up the other visiting the many friends she has living there…then return to Disney World along the way. She wants to do it in a new Toyota Camry, also on her bucket list.

Sara Dimmick, 65, of Augusta also has a bucket list. She tells me she would like to visit the pyramids in Egypt, travel to Australia, learn about other religions, and become proficient in a language other than her own – probably Spanish.

And, so does Frank Ober, 69, of Whitefield. Frank considers his bucket list to be a “to- do” list which tends to include various projects that “need” to get done or “have” to be done and are not necessarily projects that he “wants” to do. Included on his list was painting the garage floor (already accomplished), and building a sunroom and both refurbishing and expanding the deck that is attached to his house (yet to be accomplished). He checks his list regularly and he says it helps to keep him focused.

It seems that a lot of people tend to have various life goals that fall into one or more of the following categories. These may serve as a useful guide for readers to organize their own personal bucket lists:

*Adventure
*Career
*Entertainment
*Family
*Finances/Money
*Friends/Friendships
*Fun
*Health
*Hobbies
*Home
*Learning/Education
*Love/Love Life
*Marriage
*Relationships
*Self-improvement
*Spiritual Life
*Sports
*Travel

Here are a few suggestions to consider when developing your own bucket list:

• Make sure that your list contains things that YOU really want to accomplish, obtain, or do. Don’t be influenced by the opinions of others. After all, it is YOUR list so let it contain things you want to have, things you want to do, things you want to be, places you want to visit, and people you want to meet. It should be about what you find meaningful and what brings you joy.
• Even though the list is yours doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t share it with others. Go public with it. Doing so can give you additional motivation and incentive to pursue the items on the list. And, those you share your dreams with may be able to help you achieve them by offering helpful words of advice. Research actually suggests that success in reaching your goals is more likely when your goals are made public and support is received from friends. You may also discover along the way that your dreams are held by others and that pursuing them can become a joint venture.
• Try to include some far reaching or longer term goals as well as some that are probably more easily attainable in the short term. The things you want should be a mix of both exceedingly challenging as well as more attainable accomplishments. Also, it is OK to think big, be creative, and go outside your comfort zone. If what you want is to lose weight, exercise more, and eat healthier, that is fine but don’t be afraid to reach beyond the usual resolutions–that are too often broken before the first week has passed.
• Remember, and this is very important, don’t waste time creating your personalized bucket list if you don’t intend to take the actions required to achieve the items on it. Being engaged in goal setting, including keeping track of small but measurable progress toward reaching your goal, is helpful as well. Ultimately, however, whether you succeed or not may be less important than being able to honestly say you tried. And, maintaining a life list, even though you eventually are unable to achieve all that you set out to accomplish, in and of itself is a sign of an active mind, a vibrant spirit, and a motivated and positive thinker. It can help give you continued meaning, purpose, structure, identity, and direction in life as you grow older.

We have one precious life to live – be it resolved that in 2012 and beyond that we will live it well – with purpose and identifiable goals that we aspire to achieve.

By Neal R. Davis, SeniorExecutive Director, Bay Square at Yarmouth, Benchmark Assisted Living

What’s it like in Assisted Living? Imagine it’s spring, the trees are starting to bud, the peepers are celebrating the warming of the water, and you join a group of neighbors on the community van to take in the local flower show.  The Activities Director parks the van near the entrance and assists you in getting out of the van. Sharing the experience of the flower show, the scents, the colors and the sounds of fountains splashing with your fellow residents make the day that much more enjoyable.  Knowing that parking, driving, and getting lunch is taken care of makes the time much more relaxing and fun.

Fast forward to summertime, with the flowerbeds in bloom, the umbrella-covered patio tables are providing shade, and the smell of freshly cut grass scenting the air.  A cookout is being served both inside and outside your home by the dining room staff. Your family has joined you today to share this time, and your grandkids are enjoying the lawn and the other children who are visiting. After lunch, you retire to your air-conditioned apartment to relax before taking the community van to your afternoon doctor’s appointment. An aide reminds you that the appointment is at 3:30 so you need to be ready to go by 3:00.

The leaves are starting to turn, the morning air is crisp, and the coffee in the dining room smells hot and inviting. The hostess seats you at a table with three other friends, brings you a cup of coffee and takes your order. You discuss the results of the card game the evening before and make plans to take part in an exercise class after breakfast. On the way out of the dining room you check the day’s schedule of activities and note that a doctor will be speaking in the community room at 2:20 about allergies and means of treating them. The Director of Resident Services checks with you to see if you need any assistance with your shower and reminds you that the blood pressure clinic will be open at 1:30pm. Your daughter calls to see how you are doing and reminds you that your granddaughter will be joining your for lunch. It’s going to be a busy day!

Imagine coming home on a winter’s day, the parking lot and walks are sanded and salted, you are chilled and you can’t wait to go inside.  A welcoming living room with a blazing fire in the fireplace, a pot of coffee in the country kitchen, and people greeting you with smiles and cheerful comments, lets you know that everything is alright with your world. After going to your apartment, which has been cleaned by housekeeping that morning, freshening up, you join your neighbors for a social hour and piano music. 

You talk about your day, share stories about grandchildren, and look forward to sitting down for dinner with friends and relaxing over dessert.

And you ask why assisted living is so popular? Living in an assisted living community, being involved as much as you want and sharing experiences with family members and new-found friends can go a long way toward improving your quality of life. Knowing the activities of daily living, such as cooking and cleaning, are taken care of lessens any worries you may have about taking care of yourself. Finally, peace of mind that comes when you know that if you need help, no matter what time of day or night, someone will be there to help is priceless. Experiencing this peace of mind is just one of the many reasons assisted living is so popular.

By Neal R. Davis, Senior Executive Director, Benchmark Assisted Living

Making the decision to live in an Assisted Living community is a big step to take with many questions to be asked and concerns to be addressed. How will I fit in? Why is the apartment so small, can I afford it, can I bring my cat? Am I going to like the staff, is the food good? Will I have any friends? The answers to these questions may require some adjustments in your lifestyle, but for most people who become residents, the friendly faces, understanding and caring staff, as well as many new friends, quickly replace the unease caused by the unknown.

Many Assisted Living communities are like large homes with living rooms, a community kitchen, a library, exercise space, a dining room, community meeting rooms, outside patios and walks. Apartments provide private space, but most socializing is done in the public areas.  Group and individual activities give residents a chance to mingle, learn new things, listen to music, perhaps share a glass of wine, or take a road trip to a local attraction or movie.

The dining experience is usually one of the highlights of the day. In a number of communities residents come together for three meals per day, other communities offer a choice of meal plans. Whatever the arrangement, seeing familiar faces, catching up on news, and discussing the day’s activities all provide a feeling of camaraderie and support.

The people who work in an Assisted Living community are there to provide a level of hospitality services that will meet your needs, provide a sense of security and give you peace of mind.  Knowing that you can depend on the friendly, well-trained staff goes a long way towards making your quality of life better and more fulfilling.

Assisted Living communities provide an opportunity for people to maintain their independence longer and enjoy the process of maturing more fully in a stimulating and supportive environment.

Each day in the United States, 6,000 people turn 65 years of age.  One in five Americans will be older than age 65 by the year 2030 (American Association of Retired Persons, 2003). This increase of U.S. seniors translates into a staggering increase of people looking for assistance with daily living activities.

Ask most seniors where they would prefer to age, and the majority will say they want to stay in their own home.  The preference to age at home along with an increasing senior population has led to incredible growth in the in-home care service industry.  In-home care is a care solution that can help seniors fulfill on the preference to stay in their home, but not all in-home care is the same.  There are a number of in-home care options available, but before you select an individual or an organization to provide care for a loved one, make sure you research providers and ask the right questions.

In-Home Care Services  

In-home caregivers provide a range of care services and assistance that allow seniors and other adults to remain in their own homes. The majority of agencies offer a mix of the following care:

• Homemaking and Companionship Care – This includes meal preparation, running errands, incidental transportation, light housekeeping, companionship, medication reminders, and a variety of other services.
• Personal Care – Personal care includes bathing, grooming and hygiene care, toileting and incontinence care, feeding and special diet or meal preparation and other services.
• Specialized Services – 24-hour emergency response and, oftentimes, care for clients with Alzheimer’s and other dementia issues.

Differences in In-Home Care Providers

Independents

There are three fundamental business structures of providers who offer in-home care for seniors and other adults:  independents, registries, and employment based agencies, which include local/regional/national corporations or franchise organizations.  Each is substantially different in how they staff and charge for services as well as who assumes the role of employer and the associated responsibilities of the employer.

Independents are as the name suggests; an individual, or individuals, not part of a larger organizational structure providing in-home care.  An independent may be someone you know personally or from the community, or it may be someone who advertises in-home services in the classified section of the newspaper.  No matter the source of the independent caregiver, there are implications surrounding hiring an independent that should be considered before securing the relationship.

The biggest “plus” in hiring an independent is the hourly rate.  Generally, you pay the caregiver less than what you will pay a registry or an employment based agency.  However, a lower hourly rate does not always translate into the most cost efficient solution.  If you secure an independent to provide in-home care, you are now the employer.  That means you are responsible for all employment taxes and deductions for your employee, the caregiver.  You also become responsible for securing the appropriate insurance coverage such as Workers’ Compensation in case the caregiver is injured while providing care in the home and general liability insurance in the event the caregiver causes property damage.  Most homeowners’ policies do not cover the expenses associated with an injury or damages sustained while a caregiver is in your employ.  Additionally, while not required it is important for your own safety and security that you procure appropriate background checks and validation that the candidate is a capable, appropriately trained, and quality care provider.   Beyond the finances, is there a backup caregiver in the event the primary caregiver is ill or unable to care for the individual?  Is the individual trained or does he/she have access to training, to accommodate the changing care needs of a client?  If care is provided in a licensure state, is the caregiver licensed or certified to provide the care services?  On the surface, a lower hourly rate can appear to be the sensible decision, but as you begin to understand what an independent caregiver can or cannot provide, a clear message begins to emerge. A lower rate does not always translate to a more cost efficient, or highest quality, care solution.

Registries

Registries are organizations that build and manage databases of caregivers, but do not actually employ the caregivers.  The caregivers often act as 1099-contract labor, but the employment arrangements can vary. If you opt to hire a caregiver from a registry, one of the first questions you should pose is who assumes the role of employer and who is responsible for employment tax withholdings and the appropriate insurance coverage?  Some registries do provide Workers’ Compensation coverage, but make sure you understand the extent of the coverage to ensure the caregiver is actually covered while working for you.

Quality registries typically complete background checks on the caregivers in their database.   Generally, they do not provide training, nor do they ensure a level of caregiving proficiency prior to placing the caregiver.  Registries act as a “match maker” and provide viable caregiver personnel options for consumers to consider.  In the event a caregiver falls ill or an event materializes that precludes the caregiver from caring for the client, the registry can provide alternative caregiver solutions.     If you choose a registry to provide an in-home caregiver, make sure you understand:

• Who employs the caregiver
• Who is responsible for employment tax withholdings
• What kind of background checks have been run on the caregiver and the outcome of the checks
• Any and all insurance coverage that may apply to the caregiver in the home
• The type of training the caregiver may have received and certifications the caregiver may have secured
• How the caregiver is paid
• The type of caregiver oversight

Employment Based Agencies

The third option is an employment based agency which may be a corporation, or part of a corporation, or a franchise organization.  The greatest benefit to hiring a caregiver from an organization that employs its caregivers is the oversight provided and convenience for everyone involved.  It is a turnkey care solution and once you have met with the company and made the decision to work with the company, the “back office” details are not your responsibility.  The biggest distinctions with these organizations are:

• They employ the caregiver and clients are not burdened with the laws and requirements associated with being an employer
• Typically, employees have undergone rigorous background checks, interview process, and reference validation
• Caregivers are covered by Workers’ Compensation, general liability, and bonding insurance
• Caregivers are typically trained prior to being placed in a client’s home and there is ongoing training to ensure caregivers are educated and prepared to deliver quality care
• Certification and  licensure requirements are understood and adhered to
• A large roster of caregivers are available and prepared to “step in’ in the event the regular caregiver is unavailable
• Ongoing oversight and involvement from the corporate staff or franchisees

In-home care for seniors and other adults is gaining in momentum as the preferred care solution.  Who wouldn’t prefer to stay in the privacy of their own home, surrounded by cherished belongings and memories, and maintaining a level of independence?  Today, there are more care options available to seniors and their families, and in-home care can be that solution, but families need to ask the right questions.  If you are seeking a care solution for yourself or someone you love, take control of the situation and leverage the information that is available to you.  Ask good questions and stay involved!

©Comfort Keepers 2010 

Coping with change is difficult, no matter how old you are. The particular challenge for older adults is the sheer number of changes and transitions—including the loss of friends, family, your career, your health, and even your independence. It’s natural to feel those losses. But if that sense of loss is balanced with positive ingredients, you have a recipe for aging well.

Healthy aging means continually reinventing yourself, finding new things you enjoy, learning to adapt to change, staying physically and socially active, and feeling connected to your community and loved ones. Unfortunately, for many, aging brings anxiety and fear instead. How will I take care of myself? What if I lose my spouse? What is going to happen to my mind? However, many of these fears stem from myths about aging that are exaggerated or simply untrue. The truth is that you are stronger and more resilient than you may think.

Myths About Aging

MYTH: Old age means poor health and disability.

Fact: There are some diseases that are more common in older adults. However, getting old does not automatically mean poor health or that you will be confined to a walker or wheelchair. Plenty of older adults enjoy vigorous health. Preventive measures like healthy eating, exercising and managing stress can help reduce the risk of chronic disease and fall risk later in life.

MYTH: Memory loss is an inevitable part of aging.

Fact: You may eventually notice you don’t remember experiences as easily as in the past, and memories may take longer to retrieve. However, significant memory loss is not an inevitable result of aging. Brain training and new learning can occur at any age. And there are many things you can do to keep your memory sharp.

MYTH: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Fact: One of the more damaging myths of aging is that after a certain age, you just won’t be able to try anything new or contribute things anymore. Quite the contrary. Older adults are just as capable of learning new things, thriving in new environments, and sharing their wisdom and experience with many generations.  If you believe in yourself and have confidence in yourself, you are setting up a positive environment for change no matter what your age.

Excerpted with permission from Healthy Aging Tips. Visit http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_aging_seniors_aging_well.htm to see the full article with links to related articles.  © Helpguide.org. All rights reserved. This material is for information and support; not a substitute for professional advice.